Short answer: Common signs a child is struggling in school include refusing to talk about school, a shift in attitude, eating or sleeping changes, misbehaving, very long homework sessions, concerns from the teacher, poor grades, and boredom from not being challenged. To help, keep communication open with your child and their teachers, support their interests, and consider a tutor.
Key points
- “Fine” isn’t always fine: A child who won’t talk about school may be hiding a struggle to avoid conflict.
- Watch for changes: Shifts in attitude, appetite or sleep can signal stress about school.
- Behavior is feedback: Acting out can mean a child is struggling to connect with the material.
- Check homework time: Ask the teacher how long an assignment should take; much longer is a red flag.
- The teacher is your ally: Take a teacher’s concerns to heart and engage with respect.
- Bored counts too: A child who isn’t challenged can lose motivation and self-discipline.
What are the signs a child is struggling in school?
1. Your child refuses to talk about school
It’s a conversation every parent is familiar with. You ask your child how their day at school went, and you’re met with a one-word answer. “Fine.”
Many parents leave it at that. They figure that if there was an issue at school, their child would bring it up to them. Fine is okay, right?
In many cases, that can be true. But it’s a good idea to probe further from time to time. Ask your child to elaborate. Listen to what they say, or in some cases, what they don’t say.
If your child doesn’t talk about school with you, it could be a sign that something is wrong. Kids often feel they’re asking for trouble by bringing up struggles with their parents. Instead, they keep it to themselves to avoid conflict.
When you suspect something is wrong, it’s important to ask probing questions at parent-teacher conferences. But you can’t help fix a problem you don’t know about.
Tutor tip: Swap “How was school?” for specific questions about their school work, like “What did you do in math today?” or “Which problem took the longest?” Specific questions are much harder to answer with “fine.”
2. Your child has an attitude shift toward school
Pay attention to your child’s attitude towards school. Everyone has days when they’re feeling less than stellar about heading to school or work. If you’ve noticed a big shift in the way your child feels about going to school, that could be indicative of a problem.
The problem could be something short-lived, like issues with their peers. Or, it could be a deeper problem rooted in their performance in class. Your guidance could be the difference between a lifetime of negative attitudes towards school, and a blip on the radar.
3. Your child has eating or sleeping difficulties
A sudden change in eating and sleeping habits is a sign something is wrong. When we’re stressed, our bodies try to help us survive a perceived attack. The first thing to happen is a change or decrease in appetite.
A loss of sleep is normal when a child is experiencing stress. When we’re settled in bed, our minds work through all the things that are bothering us.
A decreased appetite plus a lack of sleep means poor performance in school. Sounds like a vicious cycle, right?
4. Your child is misbehaving at school
If you have a child who acts out in school, it could mean that they’re struggling to connect with the material in the class.
There are many reasons your child may be acting out in school. They could be responding to something happening at home, trouble understanding concepts, or have learning disabilities.
Either way, a student misbehaving in school is a student who isn’t focused on their work. If the school takes disciplinary action against your child, it could mean even more trouble down the line.
Our children are constantly giving us feedback on their lives. Whether that feedback is verbal or subtle, it’s our job to listen and do what we can to help.
5. Your child spends a long time on homework
If your child spends a lot of time on homework, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re struggling with the class. It’s a sign that you should contact their teacher, and ask how long an assignment of that nature should take.
If your child is spending too much time on homework, that’s a red flag. There’s something in the assignment that they’re not getting.
It could be something as simple as needing to be re-taught a concept. Or it could be an indicator that your child needs some additional help. Either way, you should provide gentle intervention without shame or frustration.
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6. Your child’s teacher voices concern
The best resource in your child’s classroom is their teacher. They see firsthand how your child is keeping up with the classwork.
If your child’s teacher thinks they’re struggling in class, you should take what they say to heart. The teacher’s number one priority is seeing your child succeed.
Your child’s teacher is your best ally in the battle to get back on track. Treat their teacher with respect no matter what! Teachers have challenging jobs and are providing you an amazing service. If you disagree with the teacher, find a way to engage them with respect and humility.
7. Your child receives poor grades
Grades aren’t a perfect indicator of how well your child is doing in school. They are however what schools look at when considering your child’s advancement.
Grades are important for many things, from unique in-school opportunities to their SAT or ACT score to college admissions and beyond. If your student has poor grades, that’s your cue to get additional help.
8. Your child doesn’t feel challenged in school
A child who doesn’t feel challenged in school is going to feel bored. They’re going to zone out in class. If you have a gifted child with lots of academic energy, it’s imperative to challenge them. That’s how you push boundaries and build new synaptic connections.
It’s important to remember that no two students learn in the same way. If your child easily zooms through the material, they may be getting overlooked in class.
Poor school performance isn’t the only issue your child could run into if they aren’t challenged. They could also experience:
- Less motivation to learn new things
- A lack of self-discipline
- Emotional and behavioral development issues
- Trouble overcoming obstacles later on in life
Being challenged in school is a critical part of a child’s learning. It is crucial that you ensure they are in the right classes for their ability level.
What should you do if your child is struggling in school?
If your child is struggling in school, it’s easy to feel like you’re in over your head. Luckily, there is plenty you can do to help them get back on track:
- Talk openly with your child. Having open, honest communication with your child is a necessity. Ask them how they’re doing with specific questions about their school work.
- Bring the school in. Open lines of communication between your child’s teacher, principal, and counselor.
- Lead with support. If your child knows you’re there to support them with love and kindness, they’re one step closer to success.
- Feed their passions. Find out what your child is passionate about. If it’s music, sign them up for lessons. If it’s sports, make sure they are on a team. If it’s astronomy, join the local astronomy club.
- Get a tutor. If your child is struggling in school, the best thing you can do is get a tutor.
A tutor is someone who is gifted in the subject your child needs help with. They can provide one-on-one help in specific subjects, be it math, physics, English, or biology. For math, here are 5 signs your child needs a math tutor.
Tutor tip: As a parent, it’s not a good idea to tutor your child yourself. Your child wants to impress you and won’t feel safe making mistakes in front of you. Read more on why parents should never tutor math.
How can you keep your child from falling behind?
It’s our job as parents to ensure our children get the help they need to succeed in school. While it’s normal to struggle from time to time, if your child is living in a constant state of stress, something is wrong.
Left unchecked it will breed a resentful relationship that could shape their view of school forever.
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Frequently asked questions
How do I know if my child is struggling in school?
Signs include refusing to talk about school, a big shift in attitude toward school, changes in eating or sleeping, misbehaving in class, spending a very long time on homework, concerns from the teacher, poor grades, and boredom from not being challenged.
What should I do if my child says school was “fine” every day?
Probe further from time to time with specific questions about their school work, and listen to what they say and don’t say. Kids often keep struggles to themselves to avoid conflict, so a one-word answer can hide a problem.
How long should my child spend on homework?
Ask your child’s teacher how long an assignment of that kind should take. If your child is spending much longer, there is likely something in the assignment they’re not getting, and gentle help without shame or frustration is the right response.
Can a gifted child struggle in school?
Yes. A child who isn’t challenged gets bored and zones out, and can lose motivation and self-discipline. Make sure they are in the right classes for their ability level.
Should parents tutor their own child?
It’s usually not a good idea. Children want to impress their parents and often won’t feel safe making mistakes in front of them, so a tutor who gives one-on-one help in the specific subject is usually more effective.
Help your child get back on track
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